Wednesday, November 28, 2012

How to Marry Your Prison Fiancé

There is a high divorce rate with couples where the partner is in prison for more than a year. Before taking that next step make sure that you are willing to spend the rest of your life with this person even if they are in prison. There are a lot of legal transactions that need to take place in order to marry a prisoner.

Here are some of the steps you may need to take and some tips you may use along the way.

  1. Regulations. There are various regulations in order to marry a prisoner, these vary by institution.
  2. Requesting a Marriage Packet. Have your prison fiancé make a request for the marriage packet. Both of you will need to complete the forms. Once the forms are completed there is usually a fee, this varies by institution approximately between $150-$175, which will need to be sent to the prison facility where your fiancé is located.
  3. Necessary Documentation. You will need proof that you are of the legal age to marry, usually a state ID or driver’s license, proof of legal citizenship, and your birth certificate. Make sure to gather all necessary documentation prior to getting married, you can call the institution and ask for what is required.
  4. Coordination of Ceremony. You will need to find out with whom you need to arrange the wedding, usually this is done by the visitation coordinator.
  5. Choosing a Pastor for Ceremony. You should be able to obtain a list of pastors to choose from for the marriage ceremony. You will have to prepare in advance and find out exactly what you will need in order to be ready both for the ceremony and the cost expense of it.
  6. Other Costs. Make sure to find out the charge for all costs, cover your boundary for everything and prepare for all the expenses for the marriage.
  7. Your Witness. You will need to make sure to have a witness, someone who is already on the approved visitation list for your fiancé. The witness will need to arrive with you the day of the ceremony.
  8. Alone Time. Being together alone on the day of the ceremony with your prison fiancé will all depend on the facility regulations. They may allow you time after the ceremony for taking pictures or possible some private alone time. You need to check and/or make arrangements for that for the day of the ceremony.

  1. You can find information through the prison chaplain on how to get married.
  2. Make sure that you know who is the prisoner you are marrying, if you have only known this prisoner through email or snail mail, be careful.
  3. Make sure you know the role you play and how difficult it is to be married to a prison inmate.
  4. Gain a full understanding of the changes that both of you will have to make upon the release of your spouse from prison. There are some major changes that both of you will be face with making in order for your relationship to work both inside and outside of prison.
  5. If you know that your love for your prison fiancé is real, then you know you can wait to get married, it is not recommended to get married to a prison inmate.
Prepare yourself if wanting to your prison fiancé, there are a lot of changes and much understanding that is needed in knowing what it is to being a prison inmate’s spouse. Make sure to do it right the first time so that no one gets hurt in the end.

It takes a strong woman to be a supportive prison fiance. You need a support system that includes people who understand your unique needs. Renee Patterson is a prison fiance and prison daughter who writes stories dedicated to the prison love we all know so well. Check out some of her ebooks about prison love.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Having a Prison Boyfriend

My fiancé is in prison…

Let’s take a look at a recent interview that I did with a lady named Courtney and her experience with having a fiancé in prison.

Hi, says, Courtney, let me take a minute to introduce myself, my name is Courtney, and I have a prison fiancé. When I met Nick I knew that he was on probation and he needed to stay on the straight path, or things could get very ugly for both of us. I wanted to make sure that the person with whom I fall in love with, that we would have a future together. And through all this confusion, I have to think about my three year old son and where he fits into all this. My fiancé painted a pretty picture of love for both my son and myself, telling us how much he loved us and that he would do anything for us. As time passed, he showed the new person that he had become and that he was not the same person as before. He showed us that he would do anything for us, there was nothing that he would not do for us.

Here is Courtney’s portrayal of how it all happened, she says, when we went to a gathering at his step mother’s house, a friend of Nicks ex-girlfriend recognized him and pushed him into a pool, ruining he brand new iPhone. Nick came out of the pool, upset and furious. When he completely was out of the pool, the two of them started fighting with each other, the police were called, and they both were arrested and taken to jail.

Courtney says, her fiancé is now behind bars for between 3-6 years, depending on what they give him at sentencing. Two-weeks have passed and it has been so hard, the hardest thing that I have had to deal with in my entire life time.

Courtney explains how she tries to cope with him being away, she says, I do things at home to be closer to him, like, sleep on his side of the bed, wear his clothes, eat and drink the foods that he likes. Everywhere I look and all that I do reminds me of him. Lots of friends and family tell me he is only gone for now, it’s not like he is dead. The pricing on the collect calls is outrageous, so we rarely get to talk with each other, we do not get to even see each other, and we do not get to hold each other. I think that the hardest part about all this is that my son looked at him as a father, and at night when I have to comfort him it is very hard, not only for myself, but even harder to understand for a child. The three of us a happy little family and when he called him dad it would make my heart melt even more. My son keeps asking the same questions to me the ones that I am trying to figure out for myself, “when will we get to see my daddy?”. The night time is the hardest when it is quiet, that is when I think of and miss him the most. I want to spend and intend to be with Nick for the rest of my life, leaving him is not the answer for me. I love him with all my heart, but there is a part of me that is scared, too. He is scared that me being alone will make me want to be with someone else, but how can you do that to someone you love and cannot stop thinking about. I feel so hurt, and it is tearing me up inside.

This interview touched my heart as it shows a time in one’s life of great need and sadness, and learning how to survive in this type of situation is most important.

If you have a boyfriend in prison, you need all the support you can get. Here are some great ebooks by Renee Patterson written for people with prison boyfriends.

Monday, November 26, 2012

How to Order a Birth Certificate for a Fiancé in Prison

Prisoners are very limited to what they can do when on the inside in order to obtain personal items, money and documents and may need help from friends and family. Trying to get their birth record certificate usually involves phone and internet research, which is difficult to access when on the inside. You as a fiancé, friend or family member are able to petition for a birth record on behalf of a prisoner through your local vital statistics office in state of birth. The process is not hard as there are specific guidelines for making a petition, your petition can be stopped and possibly returned, if not submitted properly. Let’s take a look at the steps for requesting a Birth Record Certificate for a prison fiancé or inmate.

Steps for Requesting an Inmate Birth Certificate

Step 1 – Determine the location of the office of vital statistics where you need to obtain the birth record. You can check with the Center for Disease Control and Prevention to help with finding which vital statistics office you need to contact.

Step 2 – Communicate by visiting the website or your local vital statistics office or for the guidelines on requesting the birth record. The information that required, includes: full name – first, middle and last, parent’s names – make sure to also obtain mother’s maiden name, date of birth, hospital name, and birth city.

Step 3 – Make a letter explaining your request. Most times because you are making the request for the birth record on behalf of your fiancé, a friend or family member that is in prison, make sure to include your relation to that person, explaining that this person is not able to request this info for themselves.

Step 4 – Send out your letter making sure to state your request, including all necessary information. Make sure to also include any fee, current address and phone number contact information. Depending on the distance from the vital statistics office, you should be able to get this information in person.

Step 5 – Send the birth record to the fiancé, friend or family member in prison once received. Make sure not to break any prison rules for sending this information to the prisoner. You can find those rules on the specific prison location for where the prisoner is at.

Warnings & Tips

If the inmate who requested from you the birth certificate will not need the original birth record, send a Xerox copy of the original record. Many prisoners stay in shared cells with another inmate, so belongings can be removed or stolen. It is safer to lose the copy then have to lose the original and go through the process all over again.

Make to ask for an original copy from the vital statistics office, some offices will only send an abbreviated copy, unless otherwise requested.

If you're a prisoner's fiance, it takes a lot of outside support to keep you strong for the man you love. Check out some of these Renee Patterson ebooks. They were written by a prisoner's daughter and prisoner's fiance who understands the value of prison love.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Guest Blog Posts Wanted

In an effort to provide more quality content for this blog, I'm seeking guest blog posts from prison wives, prison fiances and prison girlfriends. If you're a prison husband or prison boyfriend, I'd like to hear from you too!

Posts can be about your relationship, obstacles you deal with as a prisoner lover, prison related articles or current events, just about anything related to prisons and prison life as a prison loved one.

Be a Guest Blog Poster

I will be posting more details soon. But, in the meantime, if you're interested, post a comment here with the following information:
  1. Your prison title: wife, husband, fiance, boyfriend, girlfriend...
  2. How long you've held that title.
  3. The state(s) where you and your prison loved one are located.
  4. How often you can post 250-600 word blog posts.

Other Prison Loved Ones

This position is only for prison lovers. If you'd like to provide guest posts as a child (prison daughter, prison son, prison step-child) of a loved one, please visit the Prisoner's Daughter blog. This blog is seeking guest posts as well.

If you'd like to provide guest posts as any other prison loved one (prison mother, prison father, prison sister, prison brother, prison uncle, prison aunt, prison cousin, etc...) or a prison advocate or company that sells prison related products or services, please visit the Prison Rideshare Network blog.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

My True Prison Love Story

My true story has been published in an ebook. It was written by Renee Patterson, who did a wonderful job of telling my story exactly how I wanted it told. It you're interested in reading my true life prion love story, you can download the ebook "Another Sappy Love Story - Full Circle Prison Love" for the full story for Amazon Kindle or Barnes and Noble Nook. The shorter version, "Another Sappy Love Story - The Beginning" is free on Amazon for the rest of this weekend. Download it now and tell me what you think.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

CA Prisoners Started Being Transferred to CA County Jails

CA Prison Transfers Started Monday

Last Monday, October 3rd, CDCR began transferring California state prisoners to California county jails across the state. Prisoners who were transferred, were sent to county jail facilities local to their home towns. Upon release, they will be released to the custody of local county probation officers. This is a far cry from being released to CA state parole officers.

CA Prison Realignment

These transfers are part of a plan put into place by California State Governor Jerry Brown, in an effort to reduce the CA prison population by 11,000 inmates by January. This plan is just the beginning of a complete plan to “realign the criminal justice system”, as ordered by the US Supreme Court last spring. This phase of the realignment only refers to the following California state prisoners:
  • Considered low-level prisoners
  • Convicted of non-violent offenses
  • Convicted of non-sex-related offenses
  • No history of spousal abuse convictions
  • No convictions of any type of crimes against children

CA Prison Rumors

My fiance tells me that there are plans being made to turn some prisons into California pre-release prisons. The purpose of pre-release prisons is to help prisoners that are soon to be released transition back into society. According to him, prisoners from Southern California will be transferred to Lancaster and Chino. I completely forget where those from Northern California will be going.

Realignment - Phase 2

I guess this would be considered the 2nd phase of the plan. Prisoners sent to pre-release prisons will spend a certain amount of time there, as a low-level offenders. These are the prisons they will be released from when their time comes.

Coming Soon

I cannot wait until one of these phases finally trickles over into our lives. My Boo fits the criteria for the low-level early release programs. At some point, I expect to get a call from him saying that he has been transferred to Lancaster, which is where I'm moving next month, or Chino, less than 40 miles from Los Angeles.

In the meantime, every single morning, I check the CDCR Inmate Locator to make sure he is still in Avenal State Prison. The day I see anything different, will be one of the happiest days of my life. It will mean that he is official IN the CA Prison Early Release Program, and he will be coming home soon.

More Information

Want more details on this phase of the CA Prison Realignment Reform. Read California Prisoners Started Moving to County Jails.

Check out my favorite blogs:

Monday, September 19, 2011

It May be Sooner Than We Thought

My boo just may be getting closer to home even sooner than we both thought. CDCR is set to begin releasing state prison inmates to the custody of our county jail systems on October , 2011. That's on 12 more days from now!

This new process is supposed to help with the CA prison overcrowding problem that the federal government ruled must be cleaned up in the next two years. This "shifting of the guards" action only affects low-level prisoners doing time for low-level offenses that are in no way sex-related or child-related.

As a prison fiance, this could have a great impact on my future, especially since my prison husband-to-be is classified as a low-level prisoner:
  1. The love of my life could be released to an LA county jail facility as early as 12 days from now.
  2. For me, him being in the county jail means a much shorter traveling distance to visit him on the weekends.
  3. For him, being in the county jail system means he may be released from prison much sooner than we thought due to the LA county jail system's overcrowded conditions.
  4. If by some slim chance, he were to make a very simple, low-level mistake later, he would be sentenced to a short time in a CA county jail on a probation violation, instead of being sent back to a CA prison for a parole violation.
I would like to say that I pray that he gets out as early as the 1st. But, I don't. I actually pray that God keeps him safe and sane until whatever date He feels should be the true release date. But, I do have hope, though. This new CA prison news gives me hope that no matter when my boo is released, there's a large possibility that he won't have to be released as a CA state parolee. That's every ex-offenders nightmare.

Want to know more about these upcoming changes? Read "CDCR Changes for Low-Level Prisoners" at the Prison Rideshare Network Blog now.