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Showing posts with label prison. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prison. Show all posts
Sunday, June 17, 2012
My True Prison Love Story
My true story has been published in an ebook. It was written by Renee Patterson,
who did a wonderful job of telling my story exactly how I wanted it
told. It you're interested in reading my true life prion love story, you
can download the ebook "Another Sappy Love Story - Full Circle Prison Love" for the full story for Amazon Kindle or Barnes and Noble Nook. The shorter version, "Another Sappy Love Story - The Beginning" is free on Amazon for the rest of this weekend. Download it now and tell me what you think.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
My Life is NOT Depressing
I finally saw my boo yesterday. It had been almost two months. I had some medical problems that had me on crutches. But, the crutches were by choice, not subscribed by a doctor. Because of that, I was unable to take the crutches into the prison. So, I had to wait until I was better to visit.
I guess that's why, for the first time, I cried when it was time to leave. I didn't even cry the first time I visited. But, this time was different. I missed him so much. I had never gone over three weeks without visiting him. It had been two whole months.
After our ritualistic game of scrabble, (I beat, as usual), we just sat for awhile. We enjoyed just holding hands and the stillness. Yes, stillness. There's a stillness that is creating by most prison couples in love at some point in a visit. It comes at a moment when you realize that the time to leave is within the hour.
That moment of stillness is created by couples who have a very high intimacy level between them. It gives them the power of shutting out the rest of the world. At that moment, you are the only two people in the room, in the world. It's not a sexual moment, in anyway. It's an intimate moment where your hearts start to beat together, you can hear each others' breaths, and that small physical gesture (something as simple as holding hands) is your greatest pleasure at that moment. You just look into each others' eyes, and let them do the talking. And, trust me, during those moments of stillness, your eyes can say it all.
Our moment of stillness lasted a very long time yesterday. It was finally interrupted by guard I like to call Richard Rimirez (He's my fave, in spite of the ugly nickname.). Our visit was over. Time to go. It took all I had not to cry like a baby. Maybe had I been watching the clock, like any other time, I wouldn't have been caught off guard. But, he interrupted our moment. And, that made me sad. So, I cried (but not like a baby. lol.).
Someone asked me the other day if this ever gets depressing. I told him no. But, thinking about yesterday, I had to revisit that question. I must say no again. I love this man. We have a connection that is unbreakable. Our bond has lasted for over 20 years. Do certain aspects of being in love with a prisoner make me sad or even frustrated sometimes? Of course. I'd be lying if I said no. But, is it depressing? Impossible.
This is the life I was given. I have to make the best of it. I actually like my life because I like who it made me out to be. Because, I like me. So, no, it's not depressing simply because I have been lucky enough to find a great best friend, who ended up being the love of my life. I have found my soulmate. He is my happiness.
Thanks for listening.
The Prisoner's Fiance
Don't forget to check out the update to my blog dedicated to being "The Prisoner's Daughter"!
I guess that's why, for the first time, I cried when it was time to leave. I didn't even cry the first time I visited. But, this time was different. I missed him so much. I had never gone over three weeks without visiting him. It had been two whole months.
After our ritualistic game of scrabble, (I beat, as usual), we just sat for awhile. We enjoyed just holding hands and the stillness. Yes, stillness. There's a stillness that is creating by most prison couples in love at some point in a visit. It comes at a moment when you realize that the time to leave is within the hour.
That moment of stillness is created by couples who have a very high intimacy level between them. It gives them the power of shutting out the rest of the world. At that moment, you are the only two people in the room, in the world. It's not a sexual moment, in anyway. It's an intimate moment where your hearts start to beat together, you can hear each others' breaths, and that small physical gesture (something as simple as holding hands) is your greatest pleasure at that moment. You just look into each others' eyes, and let them do the talking. And, trust me, during those moments of stillness, your eyes can say it all.
Our moment of stillness lasted a very long time yesterday. It was finally interrupted by guard I like to call Richard Rimirez (He's my fave, in spite of the ugly nickname.). Our visit was over. Time to go. It took all I had not to cry like a baby. Maybe had I been watching the clock, like any other time, I wouldn't have been caught off guard. But, he interrupted our moment. And, that made me sad. So, I cried (but not like a baby. lol.).
Someone asked me the other day if this ever gets depressing. I told him no. But, thinking about yesterday, I had to revisit that question. I must say no again. I love this man. We have a connection that is unbreakable. Our bond has lasted for over 20 years. Do certain aspects of being in love with a prisoner make me sad or even frustrated sometimes? Of course. I'd be lying if I said no. But, is it depressing? Impossible.
This is the life I was given. I have to make the best of it. I actually like my life because I like who it made me out to be. Because, I like me. So, no, it's not depressing simply because I have been lucky enough to find a great best friend, who ended up being the love of my life. I have found my soulmate. He is my happiness.
Thanks for listening.
The Prisoner's Fiance
Don't forget to check out the update to my blog dedicated to being "The Prisoner's Daughter"!
Friday, June 24, 2011
Betrayal is Not an Option
It's been a long couple of months. I'm not sure what happened to cause so much confusion between My Boo and I, but I sure am glad we're past it.
One day, out the clear blue sky, he just started acting funny towards me. The letters stopped altogether. And, when we were on the phone, he seemed so distant, and annoyed. For about a week, I just chalked it up to "prison blues" and kept doing me. Eventually, he started asking me the same question everyday, "Do you have something you want to tell me"? I knew in my heart what that meant. But, I am a certified denial queen. So, I just kept telling him no and acting like nothing was wrong.
The next thing I knew, we were in the middle of the second argument of our relationship. It got much worse than it should have mostly because I was so insulted that this man was accusing me of betraying him, but giving me no details whatsoever. After he hung up in my face, that's when the texting war between us began (Yes, texts).After texting back and forth for hours, he finally gave me enough information to at least have an idea as to why we were arguing. I could not believe this man, the love of my life, was accusing me of being unfaithful to him, based on some "call-home, he-say-she-say" from someone who does nothing for him.
After taking time to calm down, I prayed on the situation. God told me, "Don't let go." So, that's what I decided. I was not going to abandon him like everyone else had over the years. I called, text, left voicemails... I did whatever it took to remind this truly good man that I, not his little birdy, am the one who has his back 100%. I had to reassure him that I, his soulmate, would never betray him... ever!
I never felt any anger towards him during all of this. All I felt was compassion. I realized then that this was a very strong man who had truly been wounded by his current situation. Not only is he in prison for a crime committed by a family member, but he's been doing his time alone, with no one to truly count on. He had put up walls over the years that I, personally, as his best friend, have never had to tear down. But, now, as his woman, the expectations are higher, which scared him at some point. So, his human nature told him that it would be easier to just walk away now than to take a chance of me betraying him later. In his words, "That would be devastating"!
It takes a real man to admit when he's scared. Once I was able to get that out of him, I was able to reassure him that this is the life for me. I chose this life, the life of The Prisoner's Fiance, because he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I would never betray him. He is my world. As I tell him all the time, his last name will be on my tombstone. I cannot wait to be his wife. Betrayal is NOT an option!!!
Follow my tweets at: www.twitter.com/prisondaughter
One day, out the clear blue sky, he just started acting funny towards me. The letters stopped altogether. And, when we were on the phone, he seemed so distant, and annoyed. For about a week, I just chalked it up to "prison blues" and kept doing me. Eventually, he started asking me the same question everyday, "Do you have something you want to tell me"? I knew in my heart what that meant. But, I am a certified denial queen. So, I just kept telling him no and acting like nothing was wrong.
The next thing I knew, we were in the middle of the second argument of our relationship. It got much worse than it should have mostly because I was so insulted that this man was accusing me of betraying him, but giving me no details whatsoever. After he hung up in my face, that's when the texting war between us began (Yes, texts).After texting back and forth for hours, he finally gave me enough information to at least have an idea as to why we were arguing. I could not believe this man, the love of my life, was accusing me of being unfaithful to him, based on some "call-home, he-say-she-say" from someone who does nothing for him.
After taking time to calm down, I prayed on the situation. God told me, "Don't let go." So, that's what I decided. I was not going to abandon him like everyone else had over the years. I called, text, left voicemails... I did whatever it took to remind this truly good man that I, not his little birdy, am the one who has his back 100%. I had to reassure him that I, his soulmate, would never betray him... ever!
I never felt any anger towards him during all of this. All I felt was compassion. I realized then that this was a very strong man who had truly been wounded by his current situation. Not only is he in prison for a crime committed by a family member, but he's been doing his time alone, with no one to truly count on. He had put up walls over the years that I, personally, as his best friend, have never had to tear down. But, now, as his woman, the expectations are higher, which scared him at some point. So, his human nature told him that it would be easier to just walk away now than to take a chance of me betraying him later. In his words, "That would be devastating"!
It takes a real man to admit when he's scared. Once I was able to get that out of him, I was able to reassure him that this is the life for me. I chose this life, the life of The Prisoner's Fiance, because he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I would never betray him. He is my world. As I tell him all the time, his last name will be on my tombstone. I cannot wait to be his wife. Betrayal is NOT an option!!!
Follow my tweets at: www.twitter.com/prisondaughter
Friday, April 8, 2011
Release Date Changes
On February 20, 2011, I received the tweet below from @madisonghope
@PrisonDaughter will you share some more? What is a typical visit like with your fiance? When is his "out" date?
Well, @madisonghope, I would like to start by saying that prison visits are very rarely typical. One of the main goals of the CDCR is to make visiting as frustrating and time consuming as possible. This is to discourage us from visiting. As for myself, that will never happen. They can transfer him to an underground prison in Zimbabwe and I would still be there every Sunday, faithfully.
As far as his release date, well, that's a subject he and I just do not discuss much anymore. Officially, the latest release is January, 2014. But, due to the prison overcrowding conditions in California, many changes have taken place in 2011. The California Prison Reform policies have opened up new categories that will allow many inmates to be released earlier than originally expected.
The following are some of the categories that he has fallen under that have and may cut his time short:
So, with all that said, I will just say that he will be home sooner that we both anticipated. We have both agreed not to actual start calculating until he speaks to his counselor later this month. Our idea is that if the counselor deducts even more time, not that would be very exciting to calculate!
As far as his release date, well, that's a subject he and I just do not discuss much anymore. Officially, the latest release is January, 2014. But, due to the prison overcrowding conditions in California, many changes have taken place in 2011. The California Prison Reform policies have opened up new categories that will allow many inmates to be released earlier than originally expected.
The following are some of the categories that he has fallen under that have and may cut his time short:
- He has never been written up, which caused them to recalculate his "good time." (Yes, "good-time" is back!)
- He's a Level 1 prisoner, who actually works off the grounds. As time goes on, more L1 prisoners may be released early, as these prisoners are not considered to be "threats to society."
- He has already completed 70% of his maximum sentence. If overcrowding persists, the percentage of time serve may have to be lowered.
So, with all that said, I will just say that he will be home sooner that we both anticipated. We have both agreed not to actual start calculating until he speaks to his counselor later this month. Our idea is that if the counselor deducts even more time, not that would be very exciting to calculate!
Fertility Issues - Having His Children
Every once in a while, I get a letter from my mom which contains a newspaper clipping or other information related to fertility. My mom has wanted to be a grandmother most of my adult life. Now that I am 40, she's going through a panic about me starting menopause recently. (See my blog "The Prisoner's Daughter" for more on my mother.)
I have always wanted children, all my life. I just never made it a priority in my life, mostly due to the fact that I was seeking a spiritually fulfilling relationship first. Now, things are complicated even more by the fact that I am in love with a man prison.
I am more in love with this man than I have ever been in my life. He is where my future lies. I plan to marry him as soon as possible. There is no other man that I would even consider having a child with. But, he still has a couple of years to go, while I continue to go through menopause.
We talked about this in depth a couple of weeks ago on a visit. It was almost cute for him to ask if there was a way that he could give me his sperm while still in prison. I felt so honored that he would even consider doing something like that. The ironic part is that I had already researched the subject and found that the Supreme Court has already ruled against. So, I have to figure out what I can do now, while he's still incarcerated to ensure that we at least have a chance to have children when he comes home.
I've started researching the different fertility options that we may have. I am still researching and going through consultations, but it looks like I've pretty much made a decision. I plan to have my eggs frozen. That way, if all of my eggs are useless by the time my boo gets released, we will still have the option of using my frozen eggs to make our family.
Because he has been my best friend for two decades, he always knew there were some type of fertility issues for me. Now that we're in love, he is more than happy to go through whatever procedures we need to in order to have children together. I feel so blessed and honored to be his fiance. The day I become his wife will be the best day of my life.I can't wait to be his wife and the mother of his children.
Life sure would be much easier if they would just let him give me his sperm. I could see it now. Frozen packages of sperm being shipped via FedEx to various prison wives across the country. That would be hilarious! LMBO!
I have always wanted children, all my life. I just never made it a priority in my life, mostly due to the fact that I was seeking a spiritually fulfilling relationship first. Now, things are complicated even more by the fact that I am in love with a man prison.
I am more in love with this man than I have ever been in my life. He is where my future lies. I plan to marry him as soon as possible. There is no other man that I would even consider having a child with. But, he still has a couple of years to go, while I continue to go through menopause.
We talked about this in depth a couple of weeks ago on a visit. It was almost cute for him to ask if there was a way that he could give me his sperm while still in prison. I felt so honored that he would even consider doing something like that. The ironic part is that I had already researched the subject and found that the Supreme Court has already ruled against. So, I have to figure out what I can do now, while he's still incarcerated to ensure that we at least have a chance to have children when he comes home.
I've started researching the different fertility options that we may have. I am still researching and going through consultations, but it looks like I've pretty much made a decision. I plan to have my eggs frozen. That way, if all of my eggs are useless by the time my boo gets released, we will still have the option of using my frozen eggs to make our family.
Because he has been my best friend for two decades, he always knew there were some type of fertility issues for me. Now that we're in love, he is more than happy to go through whatever procedures we need to in order to have children together. I feel so blessed and honored to be his fiance. The day I become his wife will be the best day of my life.I can't wait to be his wife and the mother of his children.
Life sure would be much easier if they would just let him give me his sperm. I could see it now. Frozen packages of sperm being shipped via FedEx to various prison wives across the country. That would be hilarious! LMBO!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Who is The Prisoner's Fiance
Let me introduce myself. I am the daughter of a woman serving time in prison, who happens to be in love with my best friend, a man serving time in prison.
My boo and I have been best friends for two decades. For the past 12 years, he has been a CDCR prison inmate. We have been nothing but strictly platonic friends all of these years. On September 1st of last year, he called to wish me a happy birthday. I'm still not sure why, but that call was the beginning of it all. Within six weeks, we were both more in love than we had ever been in our lives.
As of today, we are engaged. Officially, he still has a couple of years left on his sentence. Unofficially, he is a candidate for the early releases mandated by the Federal Government due to overcrowding in the California prisons. No matter how much longer he has, I will stand by him faithfully until the day he comes home to me. And, it has not been a problem because he is not only the love of my life, I am his soulmate.
Whether or not to get married while he is still incarcerated is a question we change the answer to regularly. We are in no rush because we are truly enjoying our "courting" period. But, there will come a time when we will set an "if" date. In other words, we will get married when he gets out. But, "if" he's not out by our "if" date, we will probably go ahead and have our own private jailhouse wedding. (Sorry Mommy)
Either way, I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life. Because of that, I make sure to thank God for what my boo and I have every night before I go to sleep and every morning as soon as I wake up. I feel blessed to have what we have. I am proud to say that I am The Prisoner's Fiance.
My boo and I have been best friends for two decades. For the past 12 years, he has been a CDCR prison inmate. We have been nothing but strictly platonic friends all of these years. On September 1st of last year, he called to wish me a happy birthday. I'm still not sure why, but that call was the beginning of it all. Within six weeks, we were both more in love than we had ever been in our lives.
As of today, we are engaged. Officially, he still has a couple of years left on his sentence. Unofficially, he is a candidate for the early releases mandated by the Federal Government due to overcrowding in the California prisons. No matter how much longer he has, I will stand by him faithfully until the day he comes home to me. And, it has not been a problem because he is not only the love of my life, I am his soulmate.
Whether or not to get married while he is still incarcerated is a question we change the answer to regularly. We are in no rush because we are truly enjoying our "courting" period. But, there will come a time when we will set an "if" date. In other words, we will get married when he gets out. But, "if" he's not out by our "if" date, we will probably go ahead and have our own private jailhouse wedding. (Sorry Mommy)
Either way, I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life. Because of that, I make sure to thank God for what my boo and I have every night before I go to sleep and every morning as soon as I wake up. I feel blessed to have what we have. I am proud to say that I am The Prisoner's Fiance.
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